Stop Le*pards

“All that you love shall bleed.”

Leopards are so evil that you can take an innocent animal, of neutral or heroic standing, such as a seal

and make it evil by adding the word ‘leopard’.

Leopard Seal

So, be careful with the word. In fact, if I go on to use the word ‘leopard’ too often in this post, simply having the word present so many times on your monitor will make your computer GROW TEETH and EAT YOU

So, like an aged Leonard Cohen spelling ‘God’ ‘G*d’, we will be respectful of the material we’re handling.

Le*pards are monsters that live in trees. One le*pard in India murdered 400 people

400 PEOPLE

When le*pards are first born, they look strange.

When they get older they look majestic

But that is not what you will see. You will see

and then

and then

a le*pard might live in a tree and kill people
ONE DID THIS 400 TIMES
if every le*pard did this
over 120 million people would be killed by le*pards
to date no laboratory is researching a cure for le*pards

HOW DO I KNOW IF I HAVE A LE*PARD INFESTATION
If you live near a tree and people start disappearing, you have a le*pard

HOW DO I DEAL WITH A LE*PARD
Bullets, tens of thousands of them

I DON’T WANT TO KILL A LE*PARD
Then catch it in a cage

CAN I RELEASE THE LE*PARD BACK INTO THE WILD?
No.

THEN WHAT DO I DO
You are stuck with the le*pard until it figures a way out of its cage and kills you and drags you up into the nearest available tree

WHY ARE LE*PARDS?
So long as mankind laughs and learns and loves, le*pards will hide in trees and kill us

WHO MADE LE*PARDS?
Perversely, trees created le*pards to simply be a counterweight, to be installed in their branches as needed. But this technology raged out of their control and now a le*pard can kill up to 400 people

It is theorized by some that le*pards are merely misinterpreting their programming, and drag corpses up into the branches to assist with balancing weight

A le*pard has one spot for every person you care about that it fantasizes about murdering

when a le*pard fantasizes about killing enough of your friends and family, the black spots will grow so numerous as to completely cover it, and it will become a black panther

SHOULD WE BURN OUR TREES DOWN?
That will only make the le*pards also be on fire

“Clutched by branches
Wooden fingers gnarled with shame
The rotting nest is held aloft
A tangle of gnawed bones and cartilage
The leopard waits within

Draped in gold
Speckled with black
Stained with red
The leopard still waits
For you to enter the darkness
Cast by his home

Where your shadow meets his
The living guillotine falls

And when it rises

It shall carry you with it”

You can donate via the following method by clicking on the inspiring image below, and help me bring about a world where relaxing in the shade of a beautiful tree does not carry lethal risks:



Please note, I reserve the right to spend any/all donations on items for my own selfish pleasures, including, say, an iPhone. If, however, I cross paths with a leopard on the way to the Apple Store, I will beat the shit out of it.