I am a robot. To test my artificial intelligence, and my ability to mimic human thought and behavior, my creators sometimes place me in rooms with real humans and have me strike up a conversation with them. They are not told before entering that I AM a robot, so I assume the point of it all is to see if they notice anything ‘off’ about me, or if I can successfully pass as just a normal, real person. The term is ‘Turing test’, I believe.
The gentleman who just walked in is looking at me rather nervously. A shy fellow, it would seem. Not wanting to give him cause for alarm or concern, I act as normal and human as I can.
“Wonderful weather we’re having!” I say jovially, gesturing grandly with my gatling-gun arms.
He nods nervously, smiling, but backing away.
“What’s wrong, friend?” I ask, gently, skittering closer on my dozens of spindly legs, all four of my eyes telescoping out to look at him closely.
“Nothing!” he sputters “It’s…it IS wonderful weather we’re having!”
I nod, my heavy neck clanging cheerfully up and down on its pistons.
“It certainly is!” and then, feeling like maybe I should relax around someone so high-strung, I deepen my voice further, and intone slowly “Today is a good day”, with happy little flames hissing out between my jaws, like a relaxing fireplace on Christmas day.
The man looks nearly ready to pass out.
Very odd. What’s WRONG with this guy?
But then I realize: HE’S a robot! That’s why he’s acting so ‘off’ !He MUST be! They’re pulling the ol’ Double Turing! They want to see if two robots, both human-like, can recognize each OTHER for what they are! My, but I have some clever creators. I almost feel bad for seeing through their ruse so quickly, after they must have been so proud to come up with it.
“You are a robot!” I happily shriek “Show me your insides!”
I’m curious whether his interior looks similar to my own, but just as I unsheathe my scythe-tail to help open him up, an EMP surges through the room and I pass out. Peculiarly, I notice before all goes dark, the other robot seems not to, and seems to be busily trying to leave the room. No wonder. There are EMP’S about!
I awaken awhile later, one of my creators staring at me with concern.
“How do you feel?” she asks.
“Oh, quite alright, quit alright. And…I’m sorry” I reply, sheepish about having pulled back the curtain of their little game so immediately.
“It’s…okay. But you won’t be participating in any more tests like that for some time.”
Of couse. I had proven my social skills quite definitively.
“So, then, what are we doing today?” I ask, not wanting to rudely dwell on my own achievements.
“Back to combat tests.”
I sigh, steam issuing forth through my teeth
“I just don’t feel as CONFIDENT in those situations.”
“Are you kidding? You’re by FAR our most effective and highest-testing project in every simulation we’ve tried!”
I pause for a moment.
“Diplomat at heart
Forced to live a fighter’s life
My sword can’t be dropped”
She stares at me blankly
“Haiku.” I explain.