Surrealist Obituaries

I rose out of our bed early

Before you awoke

Sneaking like some spy in a movie

And could only maintain my sense of seriousness

Because nobody was watching

(Sneaking around looks utterly foolish

Which gives an additional reason to succeed at it)

I left without disturbing you

And you never even noticed me pinching our love from its hiding place

I hid it under my jacket

The whole long walk into town

Not wanting strangers or hooligans to see it

Finally I reach the shop

Belonging to the authority

Whose ad I saw in the paper

I took our love and put it on the counter

And asked her to use her talent

And her studied eye

To determine its authenticity

So she unfolded a blanket on the counter

Full of a variety of hammers

Of varying sizes and shapes

Some heavier, some sharper

Some truly ferocious

And each one in turn

Starting with the least threatening

And working her way up to the most menacing

She brought down in powerful strikes upon our love

And though each blow was strong enough to make me fear for the counter

Our love stood strong

And suffered no cracks

So as she reached the end of the tests

She wiped the sweat from her brow

And congratulated me

Proclaiming, for the record, that this was true love

And no mere counterfeit

I thanked her for her services

She thanked me for letting her see such a fine specimen

And, putting it back under my jacket, I brought it back home

Where you were waiting for me

With a cross look on your lovely face

So I stand before you now

And though I apologize for doing all this without asking you first

I swear I’m speaking the truth

And there’s no other reason you woke up alone this morning

And really, after all that our love just went through

Would you put a crack in it now?