I rose out of our bed early
Before you awoke
Sneaking like some spy in a movie
And could only maintain my sense of seriousness
Because nobody was watching
(Sneaking around looks utterly foolish
Which gives an additional reason to succeed at it)
I left without disturbing you
And you never even noticed me pinching our love from its hiding place
I hid it under my jacket
The whole long walk into town
Not wanting strangers or hooligans to see it
Finally I reach the shop
Belonging to the authority
Whose ad I saw in the paper
I took our love and put it on the counter
And asked her to use her talent
And her studied eye
To determine its authenticity
So she unfolded a blanket on the counter
Full of a variety of hammers
Of varying sizes and shapes
Some heavier, some sharper
Some truly ferocious
And each one in turn
Starting with the least threatening
And working her way up to the most menacing
She brought down in powerful strikes upon our love
And though each blow was strong enough to make me fear for the counter
Our love stood strong
And suffered no cracks
So as she reached the end of the tests
She wiped the sweat from her brow
And congratulated me
Proclaiming, for the record, that this was true love
And no mere counterfeit
I thanked her for her services
She thanked me for letting her see such a fine specimen
And, putting it back under my jacket, I brought it back home
Where you were waiting for me
With a cross look on your lovely face
So I stand before you now
And though I apologize for doing all this without asking you first
I swear I’m speaking the truth
And there’s no other reason you woke up alone this morning
And really, after all that our love just went through
Would you put a crack in it now?
